COMMENTARY: Political Parties Should Be Outlawed Because They Are a Threat to National Security
How political country clubs are destroying the country, and how to stop them
Political parties should be outlawed!
You might be saying, “Hey now wait a minute, pal! Cornel West is running in the Green Party and I support him! So that means I also support the Green Party!”
Congrats. Here’s a cookie. On second thought, fuck you. I’m eating it instead. No cookie for you!
If you are picking up what Brother West is putting down, I’m not hating on you. But always remember. Even if you were never a politician before (see Trump), once you run for office, you become one. And what type of politician you become depends on how you roll and which party you’re rolling in.
Political parties are drug dens. Voting is heroin that provides a respite from reality. But eventually the come-down does come, and those people hepped up on goofballs are hit in the face with the fact that their beloved political candidate is a lying piece of shit. When you realize that the entire United States government is corrupt on so many levels, over centuries of time to percolate and fester like a boil, you discover that these creatures are cooked up in labs…political party labs.
Seriously, before 2020, who the actual fuck even heard of Pete Buttigeig? And Trump used the Repukelican Party like his personal toilet. A court judge ruled that the Democrap Party could choose whoever they wanted as their nominee because it was a private organization…that receives matching federal funding for elections. One could say it’s a polyamorous marriage between corporations (private political parties) and the State, and we all know what that relationship is called…FASCISM!
Yay Christmas!
“But Warren,” you say, “you can’t just outlaw political parties. Isn’t that also fascistic?
🎶Come along and ride on a…Fascistic Voyage!🎶
Hell if I know. But I mean, besides the Flavor Aid drinking cultists out there with their noses firmly implanted in the anuses (anusi?) of their favorite politicians, do actual real folks even care about political parties? Particularly in light of the political candidates they’ve churned out over the last decade or so? If they went POOF and disappeared in a cloud of smoke, I wouldn’t shed a tear. Instead, I’d raise my Coors Banquet tallboy in the air and toast the dawning of a new day.
But seriously, we have to get rid of those motherfucking political parties. They just generate cash, and not for you and me. They are literal fundraising machines. Political parties are to civically minded issues as McDonalds is to hamburgers. Spoiler: neither are. McDonalds doesn’t make it’s billions off selling shitty pink goo burgers, they get it off real estate. Mickey D’s is the largest real estate company on the planet. Go back and watch “The Founder” from 2016 and find out why I tinkle my panties with joy knowing that greedy fuckface Ray Kroc is selling Shitburgers in Hell. In that regard, the Dems and all the other political parties are cash generators and not forces of good for the people. Smoke and mirrors.
“No way, bud! My candidate only takes donations from individuals and not PACs and SuperPACs”. Yes way, bud, your candidate takes BUNDLED single donations. It’s all part of the con. Technically, they are single donations from ordinary people. But there are, hmm let me check my calculator…ah yes. There are a SHIT TON of single donations somehow put together and given to campaigns, often as hefty sums.
These parties take the focus off of activism, mutual aid and direct actions. It gives a false impression that ticking off a few boxes in a voting booth in 2023 and beyond is going to do anything significant to better our situation. If anything, providing milquetoast, robotic clown car participant candidates that can be easily manipulated as offerings for this grand experiment we call American elections has made things in our country exponentially worse.
Voting is just Kabuki theater at this point. If candidates were independents, relying on their platforms and their confidence in leading the charge for progress, they couldn’t be “primaried”. They would have to tell you what they believed in and what they didn’t. They’d have to share their plans for the future if elected. And let’s do away with fundraising for campaigns too. Instead, equal time for candidates on all major communications platforms, legacy and next gen. All paid for by the government. Is that a slippery slope to corruption? Probably. Probably not. Point is, if private companies are in charge of picking our leaders and representatives, then we don’t have a democracy. We have an oligarchy.
Final thoughts as the Indica hybrid is wearing off. Maybe getting rid of political parties is a great idea in theory, but in practice it might blow up the Moon or some shit. I don’t know. Alls I do know is that they are a cancer on society, a money-sucking leach and a predator to poor and not-too-bright citizens throwing their money at them. They are some straight up, not gonna lie, straight up Jim Jones shit. I’m glad I got out when I did.
<starts playing Sarah McLachlan’s “In The Arms of an Angel”>
Hi. I’m Uncle Warren. If you’re in a political cult, we can help. At Extra Bulla, our trained interventionists are standing by to knock some fucking sense into your brainwashed ass. Let’s get you home and put some food in your belly. We’ll release you from that stench of political taint by hosing you down with soap and water, jailhouse style. Why? Because your cultist ass ain’t gonna listen to common sense.
Also, once the tribes have been dissolved, you might actually start seeing political trust. Not anytime soon, oh no we fucked that goat big time. But in the future, when we have flying cars, maybe, we can have elected officials we can call ‘friend’ and not ‘motherfucking piece of shit son of a bitch motherfuckers’.
Let’s turn out the lights on these parties. They were never fun in the first place.